"There's nothing you can do to help her now, is there?"
Oo. Marahil tama siya. There is nothing I can do to help her now and that is basically why I cannot stand the thought that nobody helped her when they could. Not even her parents. Bakit? Kasi takot silang mamatay? Kaya hinayaan na lang nila na mabuhay ang anak nila sa impyerno sa loob ng 44 na araw.
Sabi kasi ng best friend ko, "Think happy thoughts," pagkatapos kong halos mawala sa sarili pagkabasa ko sa istorya niya. Sobrang apektado ako. Hindi ko alam ano exactly ang emotion na naramdaman ko. First time iyon. First time kong naramdaman ang 'mixed emotions'. Sobrang mixed nga talaga.
Sagot ko sa best friend ko sa 'happy thoughts' suggestion niya, "Thinking of happy thoughts makes me feel guilty." At totoo naman. How can I possibly think of happy thoughts kung alam kong posibleng isang kagaya niya ang maaaring nire-rape sa mga oras na ito o sinisilaban ng buhay? Paano ako mag-iisip ng happy thoughts kung alam kong ang happy thought na natira sa kanya ng mga oras na iyon ay ang mamatay na lang siya at nang matapos na ang pagpapahirap sa kanya? Paano ako mag-iisip ng happy thoughts kung alam kong hindi niya nakamit ang hustisya sa buhay na ito dahil nakalaya ang mga nilalang na lumapastangan sa kanya?
"There's nothing you can do to help her now, is there?" sagot ng best friend ko. Naiyak na lang ako. Kasi tama siya. I hate the feeling na alam kong someone somewhere could have saved her. Or at least those 4 creatures shouldn't have been born. Or their parents should've never met. It kills me na wala ni isang tumulong dahil sa takot. Pucha, apat na lalaki lang iyon! Teenagers! Babae siya at wala siyang kayang gawin kundi hingin ang tulong ng parents niya pero iyong kaisa-isang hope niyang iyon, natakot pa.
As I write this, naiiyak na naman ako. Who knew I could be so sensitive? My tough image is being stepped on right now, but I'd rather have that than have the image of her face being brutally mutilated by 4 creatures replaying in my head. Paulit-ulit.
Sobrang disturbed ako ngayon. I've never been more disturbed. Tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Dawnson, nayurak ang moral ko at ang tiwala ko sa tao. Si Dawnson naman, sabi niya hindi naman siya gaanong na-disturb. Alam niya na capable ang tao na gumawa ng supposed unimaginable things.
Sabi ko kasi, natatakot akong matulog tonight kasi, considering how my brain works, maaaring magkaroon ako ng nightmare about it tonight. Nabuhay din ang takot ko sa dilim. Naging hyper-active ang sense of hearing ko at sense of sight. Mabuti na lang at katabi ko si Mama at Chibi matulog tonight. Kung hindi, baka hindi na talaga ako matutulog.
Dati naman kasi, inaamin kong mababa ang tiwala ko sa tao. Anti-social nga sabi ni Ara. Pero ngayon, feeling ko kinahihiya ko na rin na naging ka-uri ko ang mga lalaking iyon. Repulsive.
I still don't know exactly what to do with myself right now, but my plan of going out more often just flew out the window. Joining orgs won't happen. Stepping out of the door alone isn't a possibility. Hello, pepperspray. Or just get me a gun, please. I'm sleepy. I'll write again tomorrow when I wake up. See if I'm feeling better. Then maybe then I could think of something to help her.
October 29, 2009 / 12:50 am
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For details about Junko Furuta, google it, people. Not for the faint-hearted and people with wide imagination or you'll end up writing a blog such as this, too.
Oo. Marahil tama siya. There is nothing I can do to help her now and that is basically why I cannot stand the thought that nobody helped her when they could. Not even her parents. Bakit? Kasi takot silang mamatay? Kaya hinayaan na lang nila na mabuhay ang anak nila sa impyerno sa loob ng 44 na araw.
Sabi kasi ng best friend ko, "Think happy thoughts," pagkatapos kong halos mawala sa sarili pagkabasa ko sa istorya niya. Sobrang apektado ako. Hindi ko alam ano exactly ang emotion na naramdaman ko. First time iyon. First time kong naramdaman ang 'mixed emotions'. Sobrang mixed nga talaga.
Sagot ko sa best friend ko sa 'happy thoughts' suggestion niya, "Thinking of happy thoughts makes me feel guilty." At totoo naman. How can I possibly think of happy thoughts kung alam kong posibleng isang kagaya niya ang maaaring nire-rape sa mga oras na ito o sinisilaban ng buhay? Paano ako mag-iisip ng happy thoughts kung alam kong ang happy thought na natira sa kanya ng mga oras na iyon ay ang mamatay na lang siya at nang matapos na ang pagpapahirap sa kanya? Paano ako mag-iisip ng happy thoughts kung alam kong hindi niya nakamit ang hustisya sa buhay na ito dahil nakalaya ang mga nilalang na lumapastangan sa kanya?
"There's nothing you can do to help her now, is there?" sagot ng best friend ko. Naiyak na lang ako. Kasi tama siya. I hate the feeling na alam kong someone somewhere could have saved her. Or at least those 4 creatures shouldn't have been born. Or their parents should've never met. It kills me na wala ni isang tumulong dahil sa takot. Pucha, apat na lalaki lang iyon! Teenagers! Babae siya at wala siyang kayang gawin kundi hingin ang tulong ng parents niya pero iyong kaisa-isang hope niyang iyon, natakot pa.
As I write this, naiiyak na naman ako. Who knew I could be so sensitive? My tough image is being stepped on right now, but I'd rather have that than have the image of her face being brutally mutilated by 4 creatures replaying in my head. Paulit-ulit.
Sobrang disturbed ako ngayon. I've never been more disturbed. Tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Dawnson, nayurak ang moral ko at ang tiwala ko sa tao. Si Dawnson naman, sabi niya hindi naman siya gaanong na-disturb. Alam niya na capable ang tao na gumawa ng supposed unimaginable things.
Sabi ko kasi, natatakot akong matulog tonight kasi, considering how my brain works, maaaring magkaroon ako ng nightmare about it tonight. Nabuhay din ang takot ko sa dilim. Naging hyper-active ang sense of hearing ko at sense of sight. Mabuti na lang at katabi ko si Mama at Chibi matulog tonight. Kung hindi, baka hindi na talaga ako matutulog.
Dati naman kasi, inaamin kong mababa ang tiwala ko sa tao. Anti-social nga sabi ni Ara. Pero ngayon, feeling ko kinahihiya ko na rin na naging ka-uri ko ang mga lalaking iyon. Repulsive.
I still don't know exactly what to do with myself right now, but my plan of going out more often just flew out the window. Joining orgs won't happen. Stepping out of the door alone isn't a possibility. Hello, pepperspray. Or just get me a gun, please. I'm sleepy. I'll write again tomorrow when I wake up. See if I'm feeling better. Then maybe then I could think of something to help her.
October 29, 2009 / 12:50 am
------------------------------------------------------------------
For details about Junko Furuta, google it, people. Not for the faint-hearted and people with wide imagination or you'll end up writing a blog such as this, too.
January 20, 2010 at 9:23 PM
i remember this convo.even i got disturbed nong nabasa ko yon.yes,there will be people who will be experiencing the same thing as she did,and no,i dont think it will be wrong to say na maging selfish tayo this time and thank God that we dont experience that.kasi if we were there,wala din tayong magagawa,we could end up being the one tortured in hell.
the only thing we could do right now is to pray.yun na lang.
hope this wont bring back the memories.LOL.