I'll never look at a magazine again.

This semester, I figured I'd go pa-bibo for once. I did; I took the Editor-in-Chief position for our class magazine-- a requirement for my Journalism 111 (Magazine Writing and Production) class and was 40% of the entire class' grade.

To make things short, I epically failed. I did what I thought an EIC would do except for the last part where I was supposed to edit everything before the files are sent to the printers. Time just flew and I couldn't keep up. We couldn't keep up. It was my fault because I wasn't able to manage our time effectively. Don't get me wrong, I did set deadlines (which my writers can't seem to meet every time); I even made a timeline. But with all of the other things that my writers were supposed to do outside our class, the schedule just became useless.

I wasn't okay with it, really. Many times I've felt like they don't respect my orders at all. But then again, yelling at someone or nagging them or getting mad won't get the job done. I'll just attract enemies. Negative emotions with in the work room would just pile up.

My fellow editors said that I was too kind. I guess they're right and this time, my kindness caused a terrible ending for the entire class. We almost got a 5.00 for that project but because we bargained and begged, our teacher agreed to give us a higher grade. I still don't know what grade she gave for our magazine. I don't want to know.

Once again I've proven to myself that being pa-bibo is not really my thing. I'm not a leader. I'm a follower; I'm an outcast who does not care about what you say but definitely cares about the project and I'd do what I want as long as I know that it would make the project better. But I can't lead. I just can't. I'm a disgrace to all Aries peeps (see, my History teacher once told us that Aries people are natural leaders).

No magazines for the next 25 years for me.

*puts head between knees and quietly sobs*